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Friday, July 30, 2010

Coparenting: It's All About the Kids!

Today I find myself thinking about something St Augustin said..."Peace in society depends upon peace in the family." This idea has been an important touchstone for me throughout my years working with dual household families. Wikipedia's offering on peace is "Peace describes a society or a relationship that is operating harmoniously and without violent conflict. Peace is commonly understood as the absence of hostility, or the existence of healthy or newly healed interpersonal or international relationships, safety in matters of social or economic welfare, the acknowledgment of equality and fairness in political relationships. In international relations, peacetime is the absence of any war or conflict."

Here is my version from the point of view of a 2-home kid!! Peace means my family living in harmony with each other without conflict or hostility and each of us feeling safe, valued and respected.

Some co-parents came from a place of peace this week here at Hannah's House. A co-parent offered make-up time to the other parent when it was not required by anyone - it was an act of generosity, an act of peace. Another parent said yes to a request that their co-parent be able to spend their birthday with the child when the issue of the parents' birthdays had never even been addressed in a court order. To some people, these may seem like small even inconsequential acts. But not to the 2 home kids effected by these acts of parental kindness.

These are huge wins for the child. Every child wants to feel like Team Mom and Team Dad are fully rooting for the child to win, to succeed, to feel loved, and to feel treasured. Saying yes to your co-parent can be a wonderful gift for your child. Offering your co-parent something extra, something above and beyond what is expected or ordered can ultimately be a wonderful gift of generosity to yourself in terms of the good will it can create in your co-parenting relationship.

Everybody wins if your child feels loved by both parents.