San Diego FCS Recommendations/Court Orders

For any parent who has received a Family Court Services Report from the Superior Court of San Diego, Family Court Services, the following is probably language you recognize:
"Neither parent shall make negative statements about the other parent in the presence or hearing of the child or question the child about the other parent. The parents shall communicate directly with each other in matters concerning the child and shall not use the child as messenger between them. The child shall not be exposed to court papers or disputes between the parents, and each parent shall make every possible effort to ensure that other people comply with this order."

Here is proposed new language as an alternative for those parents who do not understand that this is intended to be a guide to the spirit in which all communication about or between the other parent needs to be handled:
Neither parent shall make negative statements/gestures/facial expressions/Facebook posts/text messages/emails or any other form of communication about the other parent in the presence or hearing of the child or question the child about the other parent, whether directly or indirectly. The parents shall communicate directly with each other in matters concerning the child and shall do so outside the presence and/or hearing of the child. The parents shall not use the child, the child's back pack, the child's diaper bag, the child's lunch box, or any other item that accompanies the child back and forth between the parents as a messenger between them. The child shall not be directly, indirectly, overtly, covertly, actively, passively, aggressively, or passive-aggressively exposed to court papers or the contents of any court papers. The child shall not be exposed to disputes, disagreements, nasty comments disguised as friendly, or any direct communication other that at least minimally cordial between the parents. Each parent is responsible to ensure that other adults observe all of these guidelines for communication about and between co-parents raising 2-home children."

Or, put another way, being technically in compliance -- at least in your own opinion and would point out that you are checking your own homework here -- because the language is vague and not comprehensive enough does not pass for good parenting in any one's book. Okay, a little preachy, maybe, but every day brings amazing examples of the mean, destructive and manipulative ways that co-parents find to undermine the success and well-being of their own children. And, of course, the nastiness always seems to follow or be preceded by the phrase..."in the child's best interest!"