Over-Reactive Parenting Linked to Problem Behaviors in Young Children

Researchers at Oregon State University have published important research for parents of infants and toddlers. They have identified a link between toddlers who become easily upset and act out, and parents who anger easily and over-react. The researchers looked at children at 9, 18 and 27 months of age and found that parents who were quick to anger had children who were acting out and having more temper tantrums than normal for their age.

Shannon Lipscomb, and assistant professor of human development and family sciences at OSU-Cascades, said that “Parents’ ability to regulate themselves and to remain firm, confident and not over-react is a key way they can help their children to modify their behavior,” she said. “You set the example as a parent in your own emotions and reactions.”

This research speaks directly to the importance of protecting young children from unmitigated displays of strong adult emotion, a common occurrence in families in transition. Parents who are divorcing or separating while children are young -- infancy through toddler hood -- need to pay close attention to this research since families in transition are prone to emotional volatility including frequent expressions of anger as they adjust to the traumatic changes in family life.

For example, the disciplinary intervention of time outs should be reserved for serious behavioral problems not the ordinary and frequent testing of limits and boundaries that is the developmental norm for this age. Reliance on time-outs for every developmentally appropriate limit-testing behavior will likely result in more acting out and more temper tantrums.

Parents of young children need to primarily rely on the skills of teaching, protecting, structuring, nurturing, and scaffolding in the frequent interactions required with this age group. They need to create the norm of giving age-relevant choices to the child and quickly intervening with firm and loving redirection if the child is not able to respond in a cooperative manner.

For example, offer a choice between 2 objects that are safe and interesting to explore orally rather than simply removing the unsafe object and saying "no." Or for a toddler, offering a choice between 2 objects that are designed for pounding and removing either the child or the object that not designed for pounding. Simply saying no and expecting the child to obey is a set-up for the parent and the child. Choices and consequences are learned through multiple interactions between parent and child every day...actually every hour for the young child.

If you are a parent in the midst of family transition and you know are more emotional and more sensitive than usual, then get some help with your child to protect them from your adult emotions/issues. Ask your friends and family members for help with your child so that you get breaks to take care of yourself. Take advantage of the free programs offered at community centers and libraries where you can be with other parents with young children. Call 2-1-1 and find out what resources are available for you and your child.

Family transition is tough for everybody and we know that the behavior of the parents is critical in determining the outcome for the children. It is in the best interest of your child to have a parent who is consciously focused on responding and not reacting, and it is in your best interest, too.