Often forgotten in the discussion of children and divorce are the adult children. It is presumed that once children reach adulthood they have resolved their issues around the loss of their intact family. This may not be true. Feelings felt strongly in childhood do not just go away because we get older. We all continue to experience many of our feelings from childhood.
Oftentimes adults who were abandoned by a parent as a child will be challenged by trust issues in their personal relationships. They can continue to hold the belief that they are not good enough to be loved by someone. The desire to know that we are wanted and loved can follow us to the grave.
Tips for reconnecting with your adult children:
1 Don't continue to make excuses for not contacting your children.
2 Consider sending your child a letter that lets them know you would like to have contact. Let them know how often you have thought about them over the years. Provide a way for your child to contact you and let them know you will be patient about when and if they decide to get in touch.
3 Suggest a phone call, video chat, or a casual meeting for a first visit.
4 If you do end up meeting, let your child know you will try and answer any of their questions but let them decide how deeply they want to delve into the past history.
5 Be prepared to deal with their pain and anger and apologize for having left.
6 Keep your focus on just establishing a friendship.
Sometimes there is no attempt to reunify until a parent is very ill or even in hospice. Even then it is not too late. Professional providers of supervised visitation can assist with this kind of special situation to get contact established and coordinate scheduling.
It's never to late to change, to heal, to make an effort to find a peaceful resolution.
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